Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy at the Computer?

This is not an actual disease or public issue that most people know about. But I can’t help but wonder about some of the people I have worked with over the years. I have had my face in front of a computer for the last 7 years for various projects, daily tasks, and fantasy football. Aside from the occasional software upgrade, system maintenance, and mandatory desk side training, I have no use for our Help Desk, Tech Support, or Database Administrator. In fact, the only times I have ever needed them, were when my registry was wiped out due to a garbage cleaning program, and when the DBA called me to tell me to get my mp3s off of the server. If I would’ve known at the time 5GB of music taking up valuable client space was wrong, I wouldn’t have bothered. But I can’t help but wonder about the people that require constant attention from the computer people. There seems to be at least one in every office that has a Help Desk person at their desk once a day, to solve a major crisis that has only happened on their computer. They go through different PCs, laptops, sometimes monitors, and even cables, like most people change their water filters. What causes this? If you are a computer person by trade, perhaps you can provide input. The following are two examples of this nonsense that not only monopolizes valuable resources, but is flat out pathetic.

I Lost My Password and here is My Cleavage

The first one I worked with was a classic. All of my observations have been with women, by the way. She was THAT woman that you see in every movie that will hit on any testosterone in sight. Anyway, she had the standard issue desktop everyone at the firm had. Her job required no more computer heavy work than anyone else, but managed to find a way to damage her computer on a daily basis. At first, she had a PC they lay horizontal on her desk. If she wasn’t spilling coffee on it, she was getting items jammed in the CD drive. When it wasn’t a hardware issue, she would erase her icons. Or she would change file locations. Or she would lose links. Or she would inadvertently print out 3000 pages of nothing, mucking up her computer, and much of the intranet. Or she would changer her password constantly, and uses suggestive words as her new ones. She would somehow have unplugged cables and wires. Her mouse would get stuck. IT WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING. Each time a different guy showed up and corrected this issue as if he knew what it was before he got there. They thought it was funny for a while. Some even got to go on dates with her. But she was never ignored. In fact, if they were not at her desk in 10 minutes, the Help Desk phone combusted.


I’m too Important to Explain to you how Modest I Am

The other example is of someone who has not only monopolized the Help Desk, but also all of their hardware. Never in my life have I seen someone with three computers on their desk, who doesn’t have a computer related job. The reasons vary from using unique software, to large spreadsheets, to multi-tasking, to available memory. Name one program for me that is popular in any given professional field that cannot be supported on your average computer, and I’ll tell you that you are lying. Something cannot be popular if it can’t be used. It also cannot be popular if it takes more than the standard issue to operate. Most companies not only have limited licensing, but they have limited budgets to rent, operate, and manage these types of programs. Every day, a tech guy is at her desk, rerouting links, creating scripts, and defibrillating any one of the two PCs and laptop to keep the database alive. No one else in the office has this problem but her. Not only that, because it is a smaller office, help desk resources are much more limited. An email went out the other day stating that if we have issues with printing to contact them, as they will direct us to a network printer. My response to all, with heavy accusations, was “how are we to contact the IT Department if no one is ever there?”

Is it possible that these people are deprived of the attention they need to function on a daily basis? Do they feel that computer problems, and people solving them is a sign of importance? Is it possible that they are so incapable of using a computer, that anything they touch on it gets deleted? Why must they sabotage a harmless machine? Should they be held responsible? As far as I know, if I broke the coffee maker for the second time (accidents happen), I am paying for it.